


remedy

by siriarys



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I'm so bad at summaries, Light Angst, M/M, Pre-Relationship, and yet still sufficent, idk what this is, it's brief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-22 13:43:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11381382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siriarys/pseuds/siriarys
Summary: in the chaos that is adam parrish, ronan lynch calms the storm.





	remedy

**Author's Note:**

> edited as of 30/10/2017, i hope you enjoy!

Adam feels the anger slipping through his fingertips.

It’s a poison taking over his lungs, making it harder to breathe in the oxygen that he needs to take a breath. It burns his insides into ashes, scorching every inch of him until he feels the fire consuming him, taking every broken piece and letting it turn to dust at his feet. He’s aware of his harsh breathing; of the way, it’s taking up all of his energy to focus on anything but the tightening of his chest. He’s also well aware of the fact that he’s no longer alone in the room: Adam’s being watched, observed as his body breaks down and he can’t stop it.

Ronan takes a step towards him, only a small step, but Adam still hears the way the floorboards creak underneath his boots, and he shakes his head, willing Ronan to understand.

“Don’t,” Adam says, but he’s not sure whether he just imagines himself saying it or not.

It’s suffocating, the way the silence is stifling them, with words held back and their emotions running high. He feels the weight of Ronan’s gaze on the side of his head, but he can’t bring himself to focus on what that means just yet, or what’s lurking just beneath it. He’s not ready to open that door. He leans forward, his eyes firmly shut, his head hanging low as he tries to focus on the sound of his erratic heartbeat that’s thrumming underneath his thin shirt.

It’s fast: a heavy beat that he can’t predict the rhythm for.

It’s racing, and yet, all Adam can do is let it.

Ronan is somehow still there staring at him, unable to move, frozen in action as he watches Adam lose control. “Parrish ⏤”

Adam shakes his head in a violent dispute, all but begging him not to say anything else, not to even whisper another word. It’s too much; there are unspoken words and promises between them. He doesn’t want to hear the empty convictions. He doesn’t need them. He needs the silence and the distance that still separates them ⏤ that continues to separate them. He needs air. He needs freedom; he needs to breathe again, which is why he pushes himself away from his desk and storms out of the room, leaving a wake of destruction behind him.

The air welcomes him with a faint breeze when he steps outside.

Henrietta is his home, the place that he grew up in, and yet Adam doesn’t feel like he belonged to the dirt and dust underneath his feet and embedded into his fingernails. Maybe he doesn’t, not really. Perhaps he never really has. Maybe Henrietta doesn’t want him either. Why would it?

He closes his eyes again and takes a deep breath of the air that surrounds him, swallowing down the fear that’s bubbling its way up into his chest, just as he hears a door slam behind him.

“Parrish.”

Adam wants the ground to swallow him up because of course, Ronan followed him. He marks it down as something he’s still getting used to, having friends that will have his back no matter what, but he knows it’s more than that. It’s more than that, but Adam didn't notice. Now, he’s just too scared to take that final step.

“Parrish.”

Adam whips his head around, glaring at Ronan who’s standing much closer than he’d anticipated. “Would you stop saying my name like that? I can’t.”

“Adam.”

It’s softer, quieter against the calm skies above them. The soft breeze that was brushing up against their skin only moments before has stopped now, and there’s a lull to Henrietta that Adam hasn’t felt in a while. It allows the anger, the panic and everything in between to slip from his shoulders, the tension melting away into nothingness.

It allows him to breathe, even if it’s only for a moment.

“Gansey is a miserable dick again,” Ronan tells him in nothing more than a murmur, a change of subject that Adam didn’t know he needed until it was given to him freely. “I think he finally knows that Glendower can never love him back in the way he wants. How fucking tragic.”

It’s nothing, not really, but before he can even stop it, the corner of Adam’s mouth twitches up at the words. It’s something sane in the midst of the storm continually brewing inside of him, tearing him apart piece by piece. It’s something to grip onto, to let himself drift towards to break himself away from his inner turmoil.

It’s a distraction and a welcome one at that.

Ronan makes it all go away.

For a while, at least.

Maybe it’s just his larger than life presence, forcing all other topics and feelings aside until there’s only his left. But when he’s around, Adam feels the weight of the world slip from his shoulders; Adam forgets that he was born to the dirt and dust that defines him and that he has no family left to seek comfort. He ignores every regret and mistake and every sleepless night until all he can see ⏤ all he can feel ⏤ all he can want ⏤ is Ronan.

Because even though Ronan is no cure, he makes Adam’s restless mind quiet — and that’s all the remedy he needs.

“Sounds like Gansey.”

Ronan huffs out a breath, bumping his shoulder against Adam’s. “Of course it fucking does.”

Adam wants to say thank you, to show he’s grateful for Ronan’s presence; to show he’s thankful for the simple fact that Ronan doesn’t ask any unwanted questions. He wants to grab Ronan’s t-shirt in his hand and drag him closer; so close that he’ll be able to see every single speck of colour in Ronan’s eyes, to feel Ronan’s ragged breath on his skin, to share a charged moment before their lips touch.

Adam wants a lot of things, but he can’t just take them. He won’t let himself to be the type of person to take and take and take without ever giving anything in return. He’s also fully aware that Ronan doesn’t need to hear the gratitude that Adam feels: he already knows, he always does.

He bumps his shoulder back into Ronan’s, waiting for Ronan to look back at him before he says, “Thank you,” but Adam is sure it sounds more like, “I love you.”

Ronan grins, and it’s so genuine that Adam can’t help but smile back. “Whatever, man.” But it sounds more like, “I’d do anything for you, if only you asked me to.”

**Author's Note:**

> you can also find me on [tumblr](http://hunams.tumblr.com) (✿◠‿◠)


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